Sunday, July 15, 2007
I know that this blog series is about the things that I learned throughout this year, but I have learned a life lesson in the past few days that has taken me years to realize!
Before my bridal shower, I was a bit nervous about going - in fact, I did not want to go at all. It was not that I did not want to support my mother, Lo, or my cousin, but I was anxious because I had a fear that there wouldn't be anyone there. This is not because I think that I am so despised that people would plot not to come to my shower, but for some reason- maybe my nature of not keeping in touch with people (even those that I really care about- I blame it on the fact that I am not a phone person) but anyhow I envisioned myself sitting in an empty room with Lo, my mother, her two friends, and Ashley...anyone that would show up, would "have to run" because no one else would be there.
But as I sat there, looking around the room, I saw women that I have not seen and/or talked to in months (years), while others I speak to and/or see all the time. In that room, relationships were rekindled, while somewhere strengthened. Regardless of the affiliation, it was overwhelming to know that all those beautiful women came to celebrate my union to the "man that makes my toes tingle." It made me realize how important friendship really is because although I really appreciate those in my life, I often get so caught up on my goal, I do not see those who are pushing me, walking with me, congratulating me, encouraging me, and praying for me.
The reality of friendship doesn't end in Mrs. Ellis's living room. After I had a look around the room, I couldn't sleep last night because I couldn't stop reflecting on all of my many friendships. To be honest, when the ladies asked me what I liked about myself, although I did not articulate it well, I said what I meant- " I love the fact that I have been able to attract the right kind of people- great people are always around me." It is so hard for me to express myself through words- mainly spoken words- on a subject so emotional, but here is a letter to give a small example of my gratitude. It is in the form of the "letter I never sent you" (which is a technique I learned from Urban Word)- it is not directed at one person (just read it to see what I mean...lol):
In the letter I never sent you, I thank you for taking the time to ride the NY trains with me when I was too nervous about riding them by myself. I told you to thank you for asking me to go out with you on the weekends (although you already had established NY friendships). For drinking Starbucks with me in the middle of the night or talking all night in my room. In the letter I never sent you, I tell you that I will always remember our staying up drinking tea in your living room and having political debates - eating and laughing- for all your advice. I tell you to thank you for writing emails to me to let me know what's up - showing me there are some"similar styles" and making sure that you are watching out for my love. I say you thank you for going on double dates with Mike and me when we first started dating- don't ever forget when " I cry, You cry." In the letter I never sent you, I tell you to thank you for running up the stairs whenever I needed you - always taking pics because I do not have a camera. In the letter that I never sent you, I tell you that our Walmart/ McDonald's dates, freshman year- chicken nuggets- organizing my dresser meant a lot to me. That I will never forget our high school (freshman) "mixers" and college (freshman) sleepovers every night! I tell you that these have been an incredible 6.5 years, and I look forward to a lifetime of love. I tell you that I know why the birds suddenly appear.
In the letter that I never sent you, I say that our months and months of hardship- taco bell, McDonald's, road trips, roommates- equal a lifetime connection. I tell you to thank you for reading my blogs and sending me e-mails, voicemails, and messages. That I will never forget watching wrestling and ninja turtles in our underwear. I tell you that I appreciate our 18 years of "not being friends," but I adore our 5 years of the best friendship and unconditional love. That without your protection, love, support throughout my life- I would be nothing. In the letter that I never sent you, I tell you that I loved being on the Inroads "fashion board" with you and loved our Solid Rock New Year. I tell you that I will always be Peebles- your twin- Woodford forever! In the letter I never sent you, I say that our trips to "Chicago" and Indianapolis- catching me curled up in your bed - fat-free yogurt is some of my favorite memories of Miami. I tell you that you are not just my little sister but my "baby," thank you for always making me feel necessary in your eyes...you are my motivation. In the letter I never sent you, I tell you all that I am so sorry for my neglect and the fact that I didn't really appreciate you for all that you are...you are loved.